Category: Welcome

Beer Fest 2008 - Thanks McGurk!

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Where in the World is Chris Esposito?

by tr Email

If you looked up "work hard, play hard" in the dictionary of life, you'd find a picture of Chris Esposito. Let's face it, when you're 'always delivering', it's tough to fit it all in. But lately it seems that there's been more work than play. Wednesday was Espo's first appearance at a Barbary Coast practice, and after we caught up Chris offered to let me come to work with him the next day. "You'll be pleasantly surprised," he said. I took him up on the offer, and here's what transpired.

The next morning he picked me up in his sleek new Mercedes. So far I was impressed. He bought some coffee and egg mitt sandwiches, and we set about the hour commute to Fremont, where Chris has been working since last fall. I was unpleasantly surprised with what happened next.

Espo pulled up to the intersection at Paseo Padre Pkwy and Stevenson Blvd and parked on the side of road. "We're here," he said. At that point he pulled his uniform out of the trunk and went to work.

Mouse over the blue point on this linked map to see where Espo works.

So there I sat on a park bench for eight hours, watching Espo accept most letters. He works as a "metered-only" mailbox, a promotion he received after two years accepting stamped and media mail. Metered mail is good because it is usually organized and pre-sorted. It's not all sunshiney days - every day he has to deal with stamped or under-postage letters. It's annoying, but worth it for the comradery. Mailboxes are a tight knit group, with one of the strongest unions in all of parcel post. They also know how to party. Check out Espo at the company Halloween party:

Madness!!

When evening arrived (I must admit I napped twice), Espo packed up his uniform and we went back to the car. It was an eventful day, and I was ready to end it. Somethings didn't compute, like where did he get the money for the sweet car? Best not to ask too many questions, I figured.

TR: "Want to grab some Nick's Crispy Tacos on the way home? Or Zachary's Pizza?"
Espo: "Dude, the day just got started."
TR: "What do you mean?"
Espo: "You think I bought this car working eight hour shifts in a park?"
TR: "I was meaning to ask you about that."
Espo: "Fasten your seatbelt and listen up..."

It was then and there, on I-580, that Espo told me a wild tale of fast cars and even faster women. A tale that ended with this bomb:

"Clarkie, I'm Tommy Gunn."
"The boxer from Rocky IV?!?"
"The porn star from Grand Thef Anal 9 and Swallow the Leader."

It blew me away, but later I confirmed it. I went online and there he was hanging with hot chicks

and playing cool characters.

Espo...er, I mean Mr. Gunn, even won the AVN award last year for best actor!!

Check him out on the cover of these classics:

Jane Blond DD7

To Die For

and the classic Burnt Fury.

Here's Espo acting his balls off in the trailer for Burnt Fury:

So next thing I knew, I was on a porn set with Tommy Espo Gunn.

Espo landed a role in a series of Nintendo porns, including Super Mario Bros: BJs in Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Peach Does the Mario Bros, Mario vs. Donkey Dong, and an uncredited appearance in the spin-off "Splathouse starring King Poopa Troopa". Here is Espo in the middle of a scene

where he encounters Wario, played by Ron Jeremy

Afterwards we crushed it at the wrap party - this guy never stops!

What started out as a lazy day in the park turned into the sickest night of my life! At 11am dogs were peeing on him, but at 11pm he was golden showering two smoking hot twins. How does he do it??

He finally dropped me off at 5am as the sun was rising over Mt. Diablo and I had to get to work. But I learned my lesson - never doubt the mailbox, because he always delivers!!

The NBA is Calling Me

by tr Email

BC + SD = 3 parts yeh, 1 part meh…

by tr Email

This past weekend Barbary Coast traveled down to San Diego for the first time in two years to take part in the Jam by the Sea tournament. As usual, the roster was comprised primarily of core BC Bay Area players. San Diegan Scott McGilvray and Santa Barbarian Nick Schooler rounded out the team. The weekend started off strong, but as is typical for some team members, peaked early.

Friday night the team arrived in waves, with indoor cats Paul Merrion, Blake and Cort Kim joining Milk, Morgan Ramsey and myself at World Famous. What began as a simple snack of fish tacos and Pacificos quickly devolved into a disappointing game of CJK and Fernet. Competitive fires burned and the Kim with a quarter-liver gave a “pep talk” to McGilvray to make sure he brought the same tenacity he showed in Portland five years ago. We lost Ramsey and McGilvary to per-tourney meditation, but picked up the rest of the squad as we shut down World Famous and moved to Tower 23. The competition heated up from there. Jules Milk took the Worm-Off, orchestrating a rarely seen “Dolphin Vault”. Onlookers described it as an Iron Lotus, only worse. The Kim Bros went down swinging, pushing their “Three Homeowners and a Gardener” shots on anyone who was breathing. Unfortunately TR was.

The next day BC set the sport back 20 years with its performance against 40 Thieves. Goals were rarer than clears in this snoozer, though Milk deserves tremendous props for stonewalling the 40 Thieves attack (including BC tourney regulars Dan Metoyer and Ben Alexander) on several 1-on-0’s. The 4-0 game was a chance to shake some pre-season rust off (BC has yet to begin league play). Adam Loulet may have one-upped Milk with his consecutive stripping of all three attackmen, but at the end of the day Milk’s stuff of Metoyer to preserve the shutout reigned supreme. BC refused to adjust and play Martyball to seal the win, and everyone except Hugo “Hey, my stick is dialed in!” Gallo seemed to sail 60 bombs out of bounds.

The late game vs Beachcomber proved anticlimactic, as Beachcomber could not find an answer for an offense that BC has been running for over six years now. The team won 13-3 (or something like that) and retired to the Best Western knowing that they had locked up a spot in Sunday’s semis, with only Clif Bar standing in the way of a #1 seed.

Beers, awkward skinheads, cat-fights and a beautiful sunset segued into another big night. BC returned to World Famous for fish tacos and 3h1g’s before moving to Johnny V’s for the rest of the night. After spotting a little poop on a leg, the Korean goodbyes came out. This was premature, as the early peakers missed out on the highlight of the trip – two tools dancing choreographed robot routines in between breaks for Oxy-10 applications; or as Cal alums called them “the coolest guys in the class of 2002”. Morgan may have totally redeemed himself, but no one else was there to witness it.

Sunday morning BC handled CLIF Bar, setting up a showdown with Some Guys Who Stole Marin Jerseys (SGWSMJ). Despite twice leading in the first half, BC went into trailing 3-2. The second half repeated the first, with BC grinding its way to goals only to serve up some lay-ups to SGWSMJ. Not to take anything away from SGWSMJ’s win, but certainly BC would like to have made it closer than 6-4. SGWSMJ were Federer to our Roddick, and BC did not have the flawless game Sunday morning required to win.

In the consolation game a broken defense provided little support for back-up keeper TR, and BC wound up a disappointing fourth. Rumor has it SGWSMJ avenged an early tourney loss to Olympic Club in the finals to win in the finals. Congratulations, SGWSMJ.

Unofficial congrats go out to Mike Colon, who scored big goals all weekend, and to Kim Chi Warner, who is settling in just fine at attack.

BC takes on Olympic Club this Saturday, April 19th, at 2pm in Sausalito to open up league play.

Hey bras...

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